Walking down memory lane

Today, for lack of anything better to do, and for a strong sense of determination to finally be able to say I've done it, I put my pictures from my year abroad into some sort of coherent order. I'd been planning this sense before the photos were taken, and it's sad that it has taken me so long to finally sit myself down to do it.

During all my travelling, I would buy postcards from each place that I had visited so that I could use them as a sort of divider in organizing my pictures. It actually worked out rather well for me. It adds a nice touch to it all. For now I just chronologically assorted everything by date and put it in a plastic tote. I have albums for the photos, some very nice ones that friends both here and in Finland bought for me, but I want to have the pictures with me at school so compactness is inportant. I'll sort it all into albums sometime in the future.

I think the reason that I had procrastinated and avoided doing this for so long was because I knew how painful this all would be. I expected it, but it still didn't prepare me for the reality that was the emotional rollercoaster I experienced while sorting. On multiple occassions my parents casted strange glances at me as I laughed out loud. Many pictures brought back memories of situations I wish I could repeat, having the maturity and knowledge that I have now. I could have appreciated so many things so much more! Other times I was so moved and saddened by how great these people had been to me and how much I missed them. The people that touched my life that year have made some of the longest lasting impressions of any that I've come into contact with, and it's hard to reconcile the facts with my current reality. Just when it seems to me as though the pain of the separation is subsiding something happens that rekindles the flame inside of me that convinces me that I must, some day, return to that land. I don not wish to return as a tourist or a visitor, but as an adult ready to make my way in the foreign world that became home.

Of course I realize that I was there as an ambassador of good will, and my experiences were in no way those of the average perso nliving in the country, or on the conitnent for that matter, but I believe still that there is no better place for me to carve out a niche and try to find my own corner of happiness, as cliche as all of that sounds.

Determination returned, I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make my dreams and my reality coincide.